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The Collected Regrets of CloverUSA Today Bestseller Best Book of 2023 by NPR "This weird, lovely and sweetly satisfying novel [is] engaging and accessible Clover's emergence from a shuttered life is moving enough to elicit tears, and Brammer's take on death and grieving is profound enough to feel genuinely instructional." The New York Times Book Review What's the point of giving someone a beautiful death if you can't give yourself a beautiful life? From the day she watched her
USA Today Bestseller - Best Book of 2023 by NPR
"This weird, lovely and sweetly satisfying novel [is] engaging and accessible...Clover's emergence from a shuttered life is moving enough to elicit tears, and Brammer's take on death and grieving is profound enough to feel genuinely instructional." --The New York Times Book Review
What's the point of giving someone a beautiful death if you can't give yourself a beautiful life?
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4.2 ★★★★★
Based on 1327 reviews
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★★★★★ 5
Fascinating and important history of masculinity in Americz
Format: Hardcover
Our boys are not ok. Our families are not ok.
“Despite the growing evidence that boys are falling behind, many people resist proposals to help young males. After all, they say, men still end up in most positions of power. And it’s true that men are more likely than women to be presidents, CEO’s, film directors, Fortune 500 board members, and Silicon Valley entrepreneurs. But while we focus on the maybe 10 percent of powerful, successful alpha males, we have been blinded to the fact that on average men are doing worse than in the past. Men are more likely than women to be homeless, to suffer mental illness, to wind up in prison, to commit suicide, to be murdered, to be addicted to drugs or alcohol…in recent years, men’s life expectancy has even gone down, while women’s has remained the same” (page 25)
Nancy Pearcey uses decades of social science data and historical research to demonstrate how and when the cultural script for masculinity turned toxic - from one that reflected the biblical definition of manhood (provide, protect, and serve wife, family, and community as Christ served his church) to one that has become nearly the exact opposite- and how it has fueled the ever widening rift between the sexes. Spoiler alert: the Industrial Revolution, Post-modernism, and Darwinism played major roles in turning the script for masculinity toxic.
This book has the most concise and beautiful explanations of biblical manhood, womanhood, and marriage - including defining headship and submission- that I have read. Pearcey shows through hard data how communities have flourished under God’s plan for marriage and how society denigrates the further it strays from that plan. Men and women were made to be “co-heirs in the kingdom of God” (Peter 1:3) not fighting a battle of the sexes. While the problem has been a drastic move from the biblical definition of manhood, the author chronicles how the church in many cases has been implicit in allowing this toxic and unbiblical version of manhood. Interestingly, Pearcey herself grew up in a Christian home with an abusive father, causing her to become agnostic (and feminist) until later in her life when she found Christ. A large part of the book addresses domestic abuse and how many churches have empowered entirely unbiblical male dominance. She also sets forth practical solutions for both families and churches on how to reclaim the script of masculinity that lifts up and empowers not just men but also women and communities. One way is to make the career more flexible to allow men to take more active roles in the family.
This is a really important book for a time when “children with absent fathers account for 63 percent of youth suicides, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children, 85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, 71 percent of high school dropouts, and 85 percent of youths sitting in prisons.” P.193
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Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Very relevant
Format: Hardcover
Good research on the subject
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Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2026
★★★★★ 4
Helpful Insights about Modern Masculinity and the Social Goodness of Biblical Masculinity
Format: Hardcover
In the midst of contemporary debates about masculinity and femininity in America and the West, Nancy R. Pearcey seeks to bring clarity through tracing the historical development of modern masculinity and explaining the social goodness of biblical masculinity in her book The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes. Throughout this work, she contrasts the difference between the Good Man versus the "Real" Man, and urges us to embrace the true masculinity of the Good Man instead of the toxic masculinity of the "Real" Man.
Pearcey establishes her argument through the lenses of a biblical worldview of Creation, Fall, and Redemption, which was practiced by Protestants since the Reformation in their relationship between men and women. But the Industrial Revolution removed men from the home and away from their families, and this shift led to a change in the conception of masculinity (and femininity). As she summarizes:
"The Industrial Revolution became a watershed in the social definition of masculinity. By taking husbands and fathers out of the home, industrialization created the material conditions that made it more difficult to fulfill a biblical ideal of manhood. Men were no longer physically present enough to be fully engaged husbands and fathers. They spent most of their time in the public realm, which was growing increasingly secular. The Industrial Revolution thus became a catalyst for the acceptance of secular views of masculinity" (101).
Therefore, a transition took place from communal manhood to personal, self-interested manhood. As a result, the values and lifestyles of men changed into what is now recognized as toxic masculinity. So the problem we face today is not the result of Christianity and its teaching of biblical manhood, but the perversion of true masculinity through modern secularized individualism and the abusive twisting of male headship and female submission among largely nominal Christians. This means that our solution is returning to God's revealed ideal for the sexes in Scripture, which is how God intended for his image-bearers to relate to each other.
I appreciated Pearcey's historical overview of how masculinity developed from Puritanism to today. It was both informative and challenging, causing me to consider how much my own understanding of masculinity has been influenced by my culture rather than by God's Word. As a self-confessed devotee of Francis Schaeffer, I can see how much of an impact he has had in her thinking and writing. And like Shaeffer, Pearcey may be criticized for an overly simplistic tracing of ideas through history. But the general contours of her survey seem accurate enough, and help us to identify what has led to contemporary troubles with masculinity.
At the same time, I would have appreciated more emphasis on biblical exposition when explaining the Christian worldview as it applies to men and women. While I recognize that she was not intending a Bible study, she often quotes Scripture and draws conclusions which at times I found questionable or could have been clarified by a more thorough treatment of the text. Other relevant passages from God's Word on the relationship between men and women were also left unaddressed.
The result is that I have reservations and disagreements with some of Pearcey's conclusions. Furthermore, I sensed a strong influence of Neocalvinist transformationalism, especially as it related to the cultural mandate. Thus, I would find myself differing from the author in some of her assessment and application. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want these cautions to keep anyone from reading her book. She clearly wants us to engage her arguments, and she provides and important voice in today's debates surrounding masculinity.
So I will be encouraging anyone thinking through what it means to be masculine or how to raise boys in today's world to read Pearcey's timely book. Read it carefully and with discernment. I hope that the Lord uses it to help us reconcile the sexes through Christ.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Another Pearcey Vital and Engaging Book The World Needs Now
Format: Hardcover
I must disclose from the outset that this reviewer is a real Pearcey fan! Not only have I read most all of her books, but in addition I had the pleasure years ago of interviewing her several times on Worldwide KFUO radio BookTalk and Cross Defense programs. She is an outstanding Christian thinker and writer and this new volume is the latest evidence of her God-given talents.
What in my mind sets this book apart from her previous ones is this quote from the book: "When I began to write this book, I did not anticipate that it would become the most controversial book I have ever written. The term masculinity has become a trigger word." That is because it hits very sensitive spots in our culture which need Christ's healing touch of the Gospel. Pearcey achieves this necessary cultural corrective not only in the public square but in the Christian church as well. And she does so by a very effective and somewhat unique style of asking pertinent questions and then answers them by her very thorough and probing research skills.
What opened this reviewer eyes was the enormous amount of historical and sociological studies which back her premise that The Good Man of previous times has been displaced by the Real Man script that is so pervasive in America now. She does not leave this problem's disclosure just for the reading, but provides the church definitive corrective suggestions which are biblically based.
Cannot recommend this enough for your purchase. Devour it as I did. You'll be blessed! Gift it, share it, talk about it at your church, within your family, with your circle of contacts.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 11, 2023
★★★★★ 5
The book gave me more understanding of what has brought this country to the crisis that we are in.
Format: Hardcover
I was first struck by the books detail of the history of the family and masculinity. I knew there was something wrong with families here in the U.S. , but it is hard to put a finger on the roots of the problem. Nancy's book has made it clear to me that the roots of the destruction of the family unit began long ago. I also learned what a good or bad father looks like although we always want to love our fathers. The privatization of faith to the home and the workplace to secular also has wreaked havoc on the family unit. Nancy has addressed the subject of masculinity well. I am thrilled about the proper statistics about devout Christian men and have quoted the wrong statistics without knowing that there was a difference in the statistics when it comes to nominal Christian men.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 30, 2023